Aiden Hades
by DeathNoteRoleplays
Summary: "My first love.. Aiden Hades.. God, I miss you so much." Ten years after A's death, Beyond Birthday returns to visit his grave.


**IMPORTANT NOTE: In this story, Beyond has moved on and married Light Yagami, and they have a daughter, Brianna. And his job is as a professional assassin. He's twenty three years old now. I posted this oneshot somewhere else and figured I'd post it here as well. Just don't want anyone getting confused. **

**Also, I made up the name 'Aiden Hades' for A. This is not canon.**

Dusk had been quickly approaching that evening, the sounds of birds chirping and the light wind outside gradually faded as Beyond walked into the cemetary, flowers in his hand, and dead leaves crunching under his feet. He didn't even have to look up from the ground to make his way to A's grave, he knew the way already by heart. Beyond didn't come visit as often as he would've liked to anymore.. And sometimes Light did know when he was going to visit A. But only once did he come along. After that, Light knew that Beyond preferred to be alone with A. To talk freely to him. And to cry without knowing if anyone was watching him.

The raven stopped in front of A's grave, staring down at the one simple letter. A. The one Aiden Hades always went by in Wammy's House. The letter given to him from his alias, Alternate. Just as Backup had B. He didn't think this was right. He believed the name 'Aiden Hades' should've been written on the tombstone instead. But no. There was no one to voice this opinion to anymore now. L was dead. Watari was dead. And who knows where Roger was.. Playing as Watari somewhere unknown.

"Aiden.." He started quietly after a long moment of silence. Beyond bit his bottom lip and remained still, the wind breezing past lightly and messing up his hair a bit. Usually he hated this, and would immediately fix it, but at the moment, that was the last thing on his mind. He glanced down briefly at the flowers in his hands before returning his gaze to the grave.

And suddenly, Beyond dropped to his knees, kneeling in front of the tombstone. His vision was slightly blurry now, and he knew what that meant. Here came the waterworks. Every visit was always the same; He cried at first, but by the time he left, he felt lighter and had an easy feeling in his heart. Would there ever be a visit he went without shedding a single tear? Probably not. But that was okay. Beyond still wanted to feel emotions.

He gave a slight smile despite the tears that were now brimming in his eyes and freely rolling down his cheeks, sniffling and wiping at his right eye with the sleeve of his black hoodie. "I miss you." Beyond mumbled, setting the flowers down gently. He placed one hand on the tombstone, thumb trailing over the letter 'A'.

Before A died, he never understood why anyone would talk to a grave. What was the point? No one would respond back.. But now he understood. It gave a sense of comfort.

"It's been ten years since you left.." Beyond found it hard to say the word 'died' when it came to A.. It gave him a pang in his heart that he didn't like. "I miss you everyday.. I would've come earlier, but.. I told Light I was out on another job so he wouldn't ask to come along.." Beyond chuckled, adjusting so that he could sit comfortably in front of the grave. And for another long moment, he listened to the quiet sounds of nature, reading over the birth and death dates for what must've been the thousandth time.

"You aren't very proud of me, huh?" He asked suddenly, his voice much quieter than intended. "I know you're in Heaven.. And maybe you're watching me now. It actually kinda comforts me to believe that.." He rubbed the back of his neck, chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. "I don't think.. You're scared of me and what I do, or anything.. But if you were standing beside me, watching me kill.. You might've been afraid.. I'm thankful you never saw me like that. I'm thankful you only saw me before I snapped.."

"But do you think I ever would've snapped if you hadn't left me, A? Maybe not. Sure, I'd still be a little fucked up.. But I don't know if I would've went out of my way to kill anyone. If I would've ever spent a day in an asylum. Hell, I would have a different job, too." Beyond pointed these things out, looking down at his hands. "We would've lived together in a nice big house, like you always wanted. You never mentioned anything about having children, I think because you figured I'd be against it, but you did have your heart set on marriage. And I intended to give that to you."

Intended. Past tense.

Beyond sighed and held up his hand, running his finger along the engagement ring on his ring finger. "See this? I proposed to Light. And he agreed, of course.. I thought he would." He lowered his hand. What was Light doing now? Probably giving Brianna her dinner.. Not like he wanted to stay for a meal. He wasn't hungry all day today, not even for strawberry jam. "Brianna's getting big too fast.. It seems like just yesterday we took her home from the hospital. Now Light has to go out and buy a huge supply of strawberry jam for the both of us." He joked with a slight grin. "You never did try strawberry jam again after that one time, did you? Nope, you had your heart set on hating it. Blueberry jam's not too bad.. I still eat it sometimes and think of you."

He pulled down the sleeves on his black hoodie, glancing down at the flowers arranged neatly against the grave. His eyes were still slightly blurred, and his voice had been starting to crack a bit towards the end. 'Let it out..' He told himself, crying silently and looking down to hide his face. As if someone was watching him. At least he didn't sob like he used to.. Often having breakdowns, like the time Light came with him, and hugging A's grave as he begged for him to come back. But that wasn't possible. A could never return. He was gone for good. Even if supernatural things like Death Notes could exist.. There were no life notes.

"God, I miss you, A.."

He sniffled.

"Everytime I think about you.. I have to ask myself why. Why dd you leave me? Why did you allow L to push you into such pressure, where you would actually take your own life and leave me behind? I told you time and time again.. We could just leave. We could run away one night, and L wouldn't find us if we hurried.. You didn't /have/ to succeed L. You could've talked to him.. Told him something, anything, about how you felt. L's somewhat human, I've realized that, and I do think there was some /shred/ of guilt inside him when I found you like that!" Beyond's gaze snapped back up.

"You broke my heart when I found you in that closet, A. Not only did you hang yourself, but you went and slit your wrists too. We had our first fight ever that night. And you ran and locked yourself in your room after that. I couldn't even apologize. I just went to sleep.."

He took a deep breath after a long pause. "Your lifespan had years and years left.. You were suppose to live to old age. You made the decision of suicide in your room, after locking the door. There was no way I could've expected this to happen.. However.. If I did stay up and keep insisting you let me in, maybe I could've saved you. And that was my mistake, Aiden.."

"I'm sorry."

It seemed like a lot of things were repeated every time Beyond came to visit A's grave. He sometimes ranted the same words on seperate occasions, though it still made him feel better all the same. And, if A were listening, he wouldn't mind either. Knowing A, he'd probably love hearing his love's voice either way.

After another hour of talking, listening, and sitting quietly, Beyond stood. "I feel much better now.." He mumbled to himself, running his fingers through his messy black hair. He looked down at the tombstone with a soft smile, flipping out a small placecard from his pocket. "Aiden Hades." He read aloud, placing it down gently in front of the flowers.

"The word deserves to know your name, love."

He kissed his fingertips, touching the tombstone lightly. "And I love you." He added, tracing his index finger slowly down the letter A before pulling his hand back, and stuffing both hands in his hoodie pockets. "Until next time." Beyond smiled and nodded his head, spinning around to walk to his car without looking back.

He felt a warm presence all the way home after that. Content and happy with his life. Even if A didn't approve of his killing and his job.. He knew the blonde would still be proud of him for turning his depression around and starting a family.


End file.
